I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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