have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
love makes seman taste better
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
