I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
