Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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