I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
