also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
operation have a gay friend backfired
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
