Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
