he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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