I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
