Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
