Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
