I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
