I can't breathe out the right side of my face
her facebook's as public as her vagina
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
