either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
