we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
