Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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