kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
