Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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