My hair reeks of homosexuality.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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