you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
