I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
