Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
