that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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