This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we made out on top of his cat.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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