I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
