the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
