found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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