I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
