I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
