Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
