woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
