You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
