So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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