I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
