i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
