I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
handjob tips. give me some.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
