Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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