Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
