Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
