dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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