just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
