i permit you to call me
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
