We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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