I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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