the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
