Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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