birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
