i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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