We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
