I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
