Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
whose parrot is this?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
