I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
