I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
