Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Two words: blizzard sex
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
