The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
