do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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