It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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