when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
