After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
