Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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