I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
