are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
