...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
