When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
