Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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