She is in my trunk
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
