cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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