And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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