I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Pants are for mortals
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
