I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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