dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize