I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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