God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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