Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
