I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
