i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
