dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
