Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
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